If you have kids and they are within a 5-mile radius of a cell phone or an electronic device, you probably find yourself saying, “Get off your phone,” or “Did you hear what I said” at least ten times a day (or maybe ten times by the time breakfast is over). Why is this a universal challenge for most parents these days? Why do we care how much screen time our kids get in a day? I have a few theories about this, but my last answer might not be what you think, and it might even hurt a little bit.

Maybe we want to know we have our kids’ attention when we talk to them (or at least see them take their ear buds out and acknowledge they heard us tell them to clean their room today).

Perhaps you are old school like me and believe that making eye contact with someone when they are talking to you is a form of respect, so when a child has their face buried in a screen during a conversation, it feels disrespectful.

Could it be that we see our kids drowning in screen time and missing out on seeing the great big, beautiful world around them, missing opportunities for relationships and interactions with people that won’t be here forever, and trading their natural curiosity and hunger for learning for a seemingly endless supply of internet garbage, reaction videos, and mindless content?

Or maybe we are concerned they are falling into the trap of comparing their “insides” to other people’s “outsides” on social media and feeling inadequate or isolated?

Perhaps we believe things were better when we were growing up and we don’t want our kids to miss out on the fun of being a kid. We tell them the stories about riding our bikes all day, exploring the outdoors, building forts, and hanging out with our friends at the skate park, but they don’t seem interested in these activities when the option to watch 3 hours of grown adults unboxing toys and playing with them is available.  

Maybe as parents, we see our children’s potential and we know they aren’t living up to it because they are trading most of their waking hours watching other people do things on a screen instead of experiencing it themselves. I mean, I feel like my kids could be fluent in at least 3 or 4 languages by now if they would have spent the same amount of time studying as they have watching other people play Minecraft or Fortnite on Youtube!

I believe all of these concerns are valid and contribute to why we have a love-hate relationship with our kids’ electronic devices and media.

But my last reason might hit a little too close to home.

OK, brace yourself, here’s the kick in the gut. Maybe we don’t want them to be like us!

Go back to the previous reasons I listed and insert your name in there instead of your kids. Do any of these concerns, frustrations, or disappointments resonate with you? Do you see your kids falling into the same time-wasting, comparison-making, envy-producing, mind-numbing, potential-reducing pit that you’ve found yourself in? If you haven’t turned on your Screen Time monitor on your phone, do that right now. Take a look at how much time your face is buried in your cell phone. Look at the breakdown of the time spent on streaming and social media apps. How many hours do you spend on Netflix, Facebook or Tiktok in a week? Is there anything else you could be (or should be) doing with your life, for your health, for your career, and for your relationships?

Look at your kid(s). You love them, you want the best for them, you want to see them flourish and grow into a healthy, intelligent, joyful, well-adjusted adult. That’s why you are concerned about their screen time and what they might be losing out on by spending hours on their phone or tablet or in front of the TV. Now, look at yourself. Do you feel the same way about yourself? Do you love yourself enough to want the same things for you that you want for your children? Or have you traded your goals and dreams for a “Fakebook” life of screen time and escapism?

I can already hear your justifications and excuses now (trust me, these same voices talk inside my head, too). Stop and look at the facts. How much of your day is actually spent online in front of a screen? I’ll bet it’s more than you expected. Maybe a lot more?

What if you cut out 30 minutes of screen time every day to walk or work out? How about 15 minutes to take inventory of your pantry and fridge so you can make a grocery list or prep a few healthy meals for the week? Could you put the phone down for 10 minutes to check in with your partner or kids and find out how you can best serve them this week? What if you carved out 5 minutes to deep-breath and focus on the things you are grateful for in your life?

There, add up those alternatives and that creates 60 minutes each day of healthy activities that could make a huge impact on your life. Do any of those activities add more value to your life than watching an hour of Tiktok videos of people arguing over politics, viral dance moves, or dogs singing along with the radio (ok, I have to admit, dogs singing is pretty dang cute)?

Take the lead, set the example for your kids, and put down the phone! Maybe you can challenge each other to see who can reduce their screen time the most each day and then set up a fun reward for the daily winner.

Tell the kids you are setting some new goals (or dusting off some old ones) and ask them what their goals are. Then, make a plan to cut down device time to create space to help each other achieve these goals. Maybe even consider using screen time as a reward for reading books, doing household chores, or accomplishing steps toward a goal.

Be creative, have fun with it, do it together, but most importantly, “Be Better” and lead by example! Share with us the ways you regulate your own or your kids’ screen time so we can learn from you.     

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